Tea For The Tillerson

Are you there, America? It’s me: Kellyanne. I wanted to offer my sincere congratulations to good old Rexy on his confirmation as Secretary of State.

I personally cannot think of a better candidate for that delicate foreign affairs position than someone inextricably linked to Russian and Middle Eastern oil interests. I mean, I tried real hard and everything, but Rex was the only person I could come up with.

It might have something to do with the fact that Red handed me a sheet of paper and said, “Here. Choose a Secretary of State from this list.” I should make it clear, I suppose, that there was only a single name on the list and it was Rex Tillerson, but it was also spelled “Rax Tillermonsen – gud brain, gud werds” in purple crayon, so…it wasn’t completely clear immediately. I didn’t mind. Red and I have something of a mind-meld and I knew who he was talking about the minute I read it.

So. after careful consideration of the full scope of the list, I concurred with Red’s selection and we shook on it, which is actually something I don’t like to do because his hands are relatively small and usually clammy, so shaking them is not unlike squeezing a rotten plum.

Regardless, the Kellyanneiacs and I wish you all the luck in the world, Mr. Tillermonsen! I hear you can type nearly 30 wpm, so that secretary position should be a snap. Glad to see some men are taking those jobs these days.

Hugs and Kisses


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